A polite dinner conversation (Attn: Christian)

Christian's darling honey bunch has cooked dinner for him. His favorite: lima bean caserole with cooked salad. And of course, 32 grain bread, AKA cement mix.

Christian looked at the 'food'. He knew that Jen loved him. It was obvious that she did. Because who would go to all this trouble to torture someone when you could just poison them?

He poked at the casserole with what was probably the wrong fork. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Other fork dear". She points to the larger fork. "Well honey, my brother was gets in town soon, and he needs a place to stay. So I think you want to go buy an air mattress for him."

The fork Jen indicated had a slightly longer tine in the middle. Christian privately labeled the fork the 'eyeball popper'. Then he looked at that thought and wondered where the hell it came from.

Then what Jen had said penetrated his head. NO! His apartment was his own tiny little den. He didn't want some guy he didn't even know going through his things! He'd have to clean up everything too! His mind raced around like a small fuzzy animal being chased by something with great big teeth until he found what would surely work. "Wouldn't he feel better staying at a hotel? My place isn't really that big after all."

Especially compared to the giant breezy space your place is Jen, did not get added to the sentence however.

She frowns, and gives you that look. the "I don't want to humiliate you by turning everything you just said into stupidity, so please just agree."
And then she goes anyway. Because she wants you to learn. "But honey, this will give you two great bonding time. You haven't seen Jason since my mom's heart surgery. And besides, he'll clutter up my place with his stuff, and its only going to be for a week or two. Don't you remember how much fun you two had talking about vegetables?"

His usual grin was sporting just a tad more mania than was strictly usual. He remembered. He remembered all to well.

"But," but, but, but, he had to think of an excuse. A good one, something that she wouldn't want to endanger by having him act as tour guide. Then he had it. He didn't even have to lie. He hated the very idea of spending more time there, but he hated learning the ins and outs of Danny's Fungiculture projects even more.

There were some things man was not meant to know. And in Christian's opinion, the fact that mushrooms were watered with horse piss was at the top of that list.

"Well, I didn't want to say anything, but there's this big project coming up at work, and I was planning to put in some extra hours starting Monday to make it perfect. Try and get a promotion out of it or something."

"How wonderful! A promotion." She smiled her 'everything is all right I love you so much my big man' smile "Well, I guess then he can just stay at your place and loaf around town for a while. But now I have to start thinking about getting a new warddrobe with the money from that promotion." "So, you better do good on the project. What are you doing for it?"

Crap. That totally did not work out like he had thought it would.

Christian pushed his food around his plate while he explained about the project. "The client wants to decentralize his business investments. I'm proably going to spend my time building evidence-based assessments suggesting that effective Government interventions include integrated impact-oriented feasibility studies of recommendations for change to be implemented. It's boring stuff Jen, but it's such a high profile job that the people upstairs are going to be keeping a close eye on things."

Jen's eyes glaze over after Government Interventions. "Yeah, sounds great honey." She yawns, "oh, you've got so much food on your plate still. Are you feeling ok?" She cares so much about you.

NO! IT'S HORRIBLE! I WANT A STEAK! These are the words Christian thinks but does not say. Then he feels bad that he thought them.

"No Jenniffer, I'm just thinking. Nervy about Monday I guess." He knew Bill didn't want to be on the project, he could probably trade with him. He takes a big bite of the casserole and forces himself to at least look like he's enjoying it. "It's good, I'll take the leftovers to work for lunch tomorrow."

A smile brightens her face. Her man is so thoughtful.
"Great. Eat as much as you want, and then we'll listen to a book. Its called American Wife." Why she likes books on tape instead of reading still mystifies you, but at least its not bad chick flick movies. just bad chick flick books.

He choked down another couple of bites, wondering if there was an American Husband he was going to have to listen to. He didn't have anything against books on tape, they were great for driving, but he always felt odd sitting around listening to someone else reading a story to him. Christian offers to do the dishes before Jeniffer can get to them.

She starts the book And already you can feel that this is not going to be pretty.

A few hours later she falls asleep on the couch, and you dutifully carry her back to bed. No sex tonight. Its not the right time of the month.